I’m pretty sure no one was expecting the perspective taken last night in the discussion. Uncovering the issues of the heart tend to get pretty revealing so people often get uncomfortable. Not because of the topic as much as the permission given by the topic to actually speak what they’re thinking… Our culture doesn’t lend itself to allowing people opportunity for transparency and vulnerability. Yet, that’s the place everyone wants to be - safe.

Relationships are the same way. We want to be able to be ourselves, to be totally exposed and still surrounded in a safe atmosphere… no fears of rejection, abuse or mockery; loved just as I am.

Still, so many of us settle for relationships that are shallow, co-dependent and most commonly, short lived.

As a result, our perceptions of being single are complicated even more so… how dare you not have “your someone”. Our culture is obsessed with pairing people off with one another. Even in family.

Heck, I sat at the “children’s” table during holidays because there weren’t enough chairs at the “couples” table… at the age of 29 - sucked!

But, should societal pressures drive me into the arms of yet another misfortune mishap? In my mind, I know that’s ridiculous. Somehow, what I know to be true is ignored the moment I see another pretty smile and some batting eyes.

No one wants to be alone.

The truth is, we must take responsibility for our decisions and not let the pressures around us dictate our relational cues. This is, of course, my life to hold precious, important and valued.

Perhaps taking the time to develop “me” and my heart is more of a necessity during my “single years”. After all, it’s not like I can stay up as late as I want or get up as early as I want in order to read, pray or learn once I’m married. Life starts to require more responsibilities as soon as the two become one.

Finding books or DVD’s that help me construct with my internal development will transform me into the person God made me to be. The beauty of that is that I begin to attract the kind of person that I already am… like attracting like.

Instead of growing bitter, jaded and desperate in multiple crummy relationships, I become be settled, confident and peaceful while being single.

Two people, coming together, in that state stand a far better chance at staying together and offering their strengths instead of being needy and sucking the life from one another..

I need to tweak my brain to see what’s really going on in my heart.